His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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