I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
