she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
