fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
