I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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