You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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