You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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