I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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