My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
