Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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