Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
