it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
