Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize