dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I need to stop coming to work sober
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
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She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
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DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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