what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
