Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
