my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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