He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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