so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
