Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
