Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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