so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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