Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Sorry my hands just texted you
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
