His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
