Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
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