I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
