well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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