White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
