When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
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