I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
