I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Someone came in the potted fern
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
