I wanna bring you to show and tell
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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