I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
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he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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