Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
