we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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