dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
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Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
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So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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