I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
