Your mouth is God's brothel.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Did you pee in the oven last night??
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
