Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
