It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
