Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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