Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
