I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
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HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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