Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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