what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
