Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
