My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
