I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
