There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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