i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
