Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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