I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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