dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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