Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
