Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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