Christians are straight up FREAKS
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
