your room smells of hookers.
And success
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
