I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
