ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
