Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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