I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
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