So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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