So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
