I accidentally burped into my bong.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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