Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
The uberlube is also flammable
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Randomize
