It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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