She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
