I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
